The cinematic event of the year.. Sharknado!

There is nothing I love more than a deliciously terrible SYFY channel movie. I know that typically I am going to get an eyeful of b-list actors, sub par scripts, and tons of CGI goodness that makes me grin like the Cheshire cat. Thanks to all that is good they have answered my prayers of combining a natural disaster and Shark Week by making the cinema masterpiece Sharknado! With all of the buzz around this movie, I knew it was going to be one for the record books.
 Who knew that you could kill a shark with a pool cue or by hitting it with a bar stool? Now we all do! From now on when I go out in the ocean it's with a pool cue for protection. Also, I am never going to the Santa Monica Pier.
Poor Ian Ziering's (Steve Sanders, 90210) life is ruined when his bar is total pile of boards by the time he closes up because of the storm. Not only does he have the bitchy girlfriend, played by Cassie Scerbo,  he's got veteran actor John Heard as his resident bar fly, and rounding out his ragtag team with a mission to save his ex wife & child is Jaason Simmons. Said ex-wife is played by the ever interesting and often disappointing  Tara Reid.
On their way to save the day, they make to stupid decision to take the 405, even I as a girl from Ohio know that you don't ever take the 405 when you're in a hurry. They of course have their conscience's get the best of them trying to help other people who are stuck. The team loses the beloved barfly during this silly moment while trying to be good Samaritans. Go figure they find it's easier to time the waves, as surfers they just know these things, to get a push down the interstate.
Once they have made it to the ex-wife, she's not happy to see this rescue team and refuses to let the wet and somewhat bleeding group in until sharks start to pop out of the manhole covers. Christopher Wolfe plays the boyfriend of Tara Reid for about 3.5 minutes, which is a good thing since I instantly wanted him to die from being such a douche!  His death is quickly followed up with a terrible period joke, "I guess it's that time of the month."
Also, does anyone else find it to be the best thing that Ziering's character's name is Fin? As we watch we come to realize that there some MAJOR bad parenting going on on his end. We find out that not only does he have a teenage daughter, but a son who's gone & joined some branch of the military (honestly I was too distracted with all the odd interactions of the two top billed actors to care) without so much as a howdy-do to his father.  Finally they figure it might be better to get to the desert and far away from the coast.
Once they make this no brainer call, Ziering's extreme ATV( like driving through feet of water and sharks) comes to a stop when his hero complex is called into account by saving a busload of tweens and a pudgy teacher. Thank god he's got all that climbing rope, harnesses & shotgun shells in there, just in case! Thus far, they have avoided the extreme part of the movie, the actual Sharknado. But as the letters of the Hollywood sign start to fly, you know that they have got to get out of there soon. Looking over LA 3 waterspouts are visible, and somehow Tara Reid has bionic eyes because she can see the sharks miles away.
The reactions to the shark that out of nowhere falls on the car is priceless, none of them know what to do or where to look! At least pretend that the CGI generic shark is really there, come on people.
They stop in a liquor store, you know because that's where you go while avoiding sharks falling from the sky. The cashier let's us in on a secret, it's all the government, evidently they know what kind of cheese I buy & where I go to the bathroom! Plus they control the weather, including the impending Sharknado. Thank goodness they stole the hummer  with nitrous to get out of downtown LA faster! Of course the fools end up at the flight school to get the mystery son & the place is a ghost town. The shark twister is hot on their tails at this point. Will they find the son? Will they get out alive? Stay tuned after the commercial! 
 When we find our group of survivors back from commercial the bitchy girlfriend has finally been useful and found not only the son, but some classmates hiding inside a closet of the flight school.  They begin to explain what's going on and then the unthinkable happens, a tiny Sharknado rips through the cozy family reunion. Instead of taking the chopper and flying to safety, they think it's a better idea to "stay and fight". Great idea! Good thing there is a storeroom full of bombs, saws, power tools and other goodies that sharks are really scared of. The master plan comes together that the son who's only done a little flight training is going to drop bombs in the Sharknado and equalize not only the tornado but kill all the sharks. While this is happening, the daughter has decided to have a mini bitch fit and get all "You're never there for me", is this really a good time? Have your father-daughter heart to heart later.  The girlfriend confides in the son that the scar she has given about 20 explanations for is really from a shark bite when she was little, now not only does she hate sharks because of it so does the son. It appears that father & son have the same taste in young women. As they are loading the chopper for the mission, the best friend Baz makes the courageous decision to take the hummer and fill it with bombs to drive right into the storm. Great thinking pal, too bad it's probably the worst idea ever! Meanwhile girlfriend and son come to the conclusion that they "Need a bigger chopper", great homage to Jaws, but it's not going to get you much credit. As with all tacky movies the bizarre plan that a teenager came up with works. Somehow this boy, with little experience can fly close enough to the Sharknados without getting sucked in, and dropping bombs. Meanwhile, his family has made their way to a retirement home, blown up the pool, and taken over the windows to watch their son be a hero. Just as we think things might get back to normal, the unthinkable happens, not only does another Sharknado pop up without the fire power to get rid of it, but a shark grasps onto the chopper and the girlfriend starts to stab it, too bad for her she doesn't have standard waitress no-slip shoes on because she falls and gets eaten by what appears to be a great white in midair. Since hero complexes run in the family for the men, the son is heart broken. At least the hummer full of explosives made it to the last Sharknado in LA. As all the sharks are falling from the sky, Ziering is faced with the choice to let his daughter get eaten, or drive chainsaw first into the mouth of a hungry Great White. He of course cuts himself out of the shark, thanks for the added horsepower Craftsmen, but he pulls out the now ex-girlfriend and the son brings her back to life with CPR. At the end we see Ziering & Reid kiss, so we know that they are getting back together, and the son is now all up on the ex-girlfriend. Sharknado, bringing people and families together since 2013!

Oh the HORROR!

This evening I was channel surfing while avoiding any sense of adulthood responsibility & stumbled upon my favorite Saturday afternoon guilty pleasure, the Chiller channel. Tonight's horror fun was the Chiller 13: Great American Slashers, http://www.chillertv.com/shows/chiller-13-great-american-slashers. Overall I agreed with the list and found it to not only entertaining, but it reminded me of some of my favorite movies. There were a couple issues I had with two of the slashers that were on the list. The biggest problem I found with not only Sweeney Todd, but also with Pinhead was their Britishness. How can they be in a list of American Slashers, if they aren't even from this country? I am not disputing  the merits either have in the horror genre. Sweeney Todd is one that I wouldn't have thought of for the list, coming from a musical background as I do, I wouldn't have even picked  him as a slasher. Though given the method of his killings and amount of killings, I can very much see it. As for Pinhead, he is a classic horror icon who can't be disputed as a dream haunter for most of my generation. But once again, he's fraking British!  If it hadn't been touted as the "Great American Slashers" the thought would have never crossed my mind.
I love a good slasher flick as much as the next girl. Ok, maybe not as much as the next girl, since they usually go to the movies and hold on for dear life to the boy next to her who is hoping to get a handful of under the bra action after the movie. While I on the other hand, have a bad habit of not only thoroughly enjoying the killings but sometimes even cheering on  the slasher because let's face it, teenagers in the woods are dumb.
 Something I had forgotten until I was watching was the allure of Norman Bates. Norman was everything we women think we want in a man. He's kind of boyish with his full face smile, charming, hard worker, loves his mother, well spoken & a snappy dresser. All of that is great, until you realize he's a damned killer who keeps his mummified & taxidermied mother in the attic, he's also running around killing the guests of his business while dressed as said mother! It's probably a read flag that not only did I see this, but so did the women being interviewed for the special.
One of the most amusing things about the show was one of the men on the panel. Not only was he well spoken and nonthreatening, but after a second his name popped up and I literally gasped out loud. Leatherface, one of the ultimate slasher icons looks like Santa! He's this sweet looking grey haired, bearded, chubby man who looks like he would play kickball with a brood of grandchildren. Yes, Gunnar Hansen was born in Iceland so technically he shouldn't be on the list either, but I am willing to make an exception for such a classic American horror film. I don't know if the next time I watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre I will be able to think of anything but the now jolly looking
Hansen. I want to show a picture of him to everyone who was ever scared of him. Maybe I'll start with my mother as my seriously misunderstood 17 year old father though that Massacre would be a great first date! And my mother wonders where I get my love of all things horror. All things except Freddie Kruger, that guy still freaks me out! And yes, he was #1 on the list.